Name that fear.

by Carol (Palmatier) Pearson

I believe that there are two ways to approach anything in this life: from fear, or from love. And that anything that is NOT love is, at its core, fear. I know many people who disagree with me on this. I’ve had some fairly lively debates on this, and I listen with an open mind. Still, no one has convinced me of an example, yet, that doesn’t pass this litmus test.

Take war, for example. You might say it’s about hate, or power, or control, or greed. Yet strip these emotions down to their bare bones, and at the root you find fear. Fear of our differences, fear of losing power, fear of being controlled by someone else, fear of lack.

My path becomes so much clearer when, in every moment of decision, I choose love over fear. Resigning from a job, leaving a relationship, saying yes to a new relationship, even deciding where to go for dinner…all can be viewed from the vantage point of love, or viewed from fear.

In our closest relationships, this becomes crystal clear. As my youngest daughter embarks to a spend a semester abroad, I can bask in the love we share and find new ways to communicate and be grateful for this opportunity she has, or I can fear all the “what ifs” as she goes.  As my oldest prepares to move several states away, I can be happy and proud of her accomplishments and courage, or fear missing her sunny face over our lunch and shopping dates.

Even the presumably happy choices can have their little land mines of fear, as I discovered this weekend. I stubbed my toe on a big old rock of fear, and it hurt. I took a deep breath and spoke my fears out loud, something I’ve never been very good at doing. And the person who listened and heard me, who by all rights could have been mad or upset by what I was saying, simply stayed and waited and let me regain my footing at my own pace. Such is love.

The miracle of this entire process is the consistency of the outcome. Name that fear and send it some love.